"Renegade" Reveals Prior Strains in the Obama Marriage

Anyone arriving on Michelle-Style for the first time today might think that I'm just Tammy Wynette singin' "Stand By Your Man". Not true. But I do believe that gender relations need a serious attitude adjustment asap, and I'm not just talking to men.

I've written previously about the strain in the Obama marriage and Michelle's resentment about her husband's political ambitions. I've never suggested that all is always well in the Obama marriage, that theirs is a Cinderella story, without a host of challenges.

My point about the Obamas is that rather than head to divorce court, they've worked through their problems. This is why they inspire me.

I don't know how much of the 2000 tensions in the Obama marriage are revealed in Richard Wolffe's new book "Renegade" (POTUS's Secret Service title). The NY Daily News quotes Wolffe as writing: "There was little conversation and even less romance," Wolffe, who covered Obama's campaign for magazine, wrote of that period. "She was angry at his selfishness and careerism; he thought she was cold and ungrateful."

The Obamas themselves have acknowledged serious strains on their marriage.

When I write that Michelle 'stands by her man', I don't mean to suggest that she lies down and rolls over like Bo. I'm not sure that Michelle Obama has such a submissive bone in her beautiful, African American woman body.

My point is that they worked out there differences, as I'm certain they still do.

If you remember, the Reagan marriage wasn't without its problems, although they were generated more by President Reagan's children's response to Nancy.

We live in a culture that suggests that the grass is always greener, that nirvana lies on the other side of the marital door, if only we can get out fast enough. I'm divorced, and my reflections on marriage are a product of my own observations about our culture and about myself.

Many of us know that marriage is not all it's cracked up to be, but that's a subject for another day.

Personally, I think the Europeans are centuries ahead of Americans in understanding marriage, but -- alas -- they are becoming more like us, expecting the romantic, glass slipper effect to bless them, too. In pursuit of soulmates, divorce rates (now no-fault and shorter to obtain) are rising quickly in Europe.

I have no doubt that as time goes by, the Obamas will talk even more about their marriage. Smart reporters reading "Renegade" will surely pop some piercing questions in the direction of an unusually candid First Couple.

We have few examples of American couples who've made marriage work in modern life. Goodnes know, it's challenging.

Perhaps shedding this bright light on the Obama marriage will focus our attention on finding a few more "reassess and repair stories", rather than the "hit the road, Jack" sagas that reinforce our beliefs that women can be the belle of the ball, if only we can 'shape up' the men in our lives.

As for men . . . sorry, I truly do believe they're simpler to figure out. What you see is what you get, and change doesn't come easily.

We women just don't like the prescriptions that the doctor orders, when it comes to keeping men on track. We want a new version of marital psychology, and I'm not certain we will ever find it.

Hope spring eternal, but at a certain age, wisdom also sets in, too. I sense that the Obamas have acquired a certain wisdom about their marriage, and I have no doubt that they'll be sharing more details of their road to marital harmony in the coming months.

Personally, I'd like to see a cast of interviewers doing a prime-time interview on the Obama marriage.

The White House is full of young executive people these days. I want a range of interviewers -- highly-opinionated bloggers, who believe there's not much 'give' in gender equality challenges. I'm dying to hear them converse with the Obamas.  Anne