WTF: Iman re Michelle. Do Women Thrive on Putting Each Other Down?
Saturday, May 16, 2009 at 7:35AM 
We women have a strange way of talking about each other, and it takes a lot to shut us up. And yet, this is a moment of national feminine silence over Iman's Parade Magazine comments about Michelle Obama.
Just to be clear, I detest profanity. It's a rare day when an expletive leaves my mouth. I wrote nothing, reading the Parade piece yesterday, deciding to 'sleep on it' instead.
This morning, my yesterday headline stands: WTF was she thinking! If this is the sisterhood in action, well check me into the boys club -- which is typically where these women want to hang out solo.
There's growing evidence that many women want to be the only dames in the board room -- the singular female on her pedestal. I've known many of these women in my career. One of them nearly put me in the hospital years back.
I file Iman's comments about Michelle Obama in the context of the New York Times article that's circulating around the Internet: Backlash: Women Bullying Women at Work. Many studies confirm that women are not really that helpful to other women.
If the comment came from Fox News, we would say "consider the source and move to roast Fox royally." If a man made the statement, god help him.
I'm confused as heck that African American women have battled for years against a narrow definition of beauty, and one of their own superstars makes this statement. Personally, I believe that Iman meant the remark, in the way that women have of asserting themselves, by putting down other women.
It's not one of our finer personality and behavior traits. Yet, it's a real feminine tendency, and we should own up to it.
I would also not like to blame men, white men, or the patriarchy for this tendency, at least not in 2009. I don't believe that men of any color have anything to do with our contemporary female desire to undercut each other. Our talk is cheap; actions tell a very different story.
Perhaps, our need to savage each other is an anthropological tendency, but it's inexcusable in today's world.
Elizabeth Peyton, "Michelle and Sasha Obama Listening to Barack Obama at the Democratic National Convention August 2008" (2008). The New Museum added the work to its Elizabeth Peyton exhibition after Obama was elected last fall.I honestly believe that Michelle Obama is a very beautiful woman. But that's beside the point.
My focus is women cutting the legs off other women, with a sweet smile on their faces to all the world. The habit goes on every day all over America.
Personally, Iman sounds like a jealous woman to me, a successful beauty who's struggling a bit with the new girl in town. If Fox News made this comment, I'd be writing: for shame. So I must be true to myself.
Iman: you should be ashamed of yourself.
Women will come to your defense, saying that you didn't mean the remark, or your words were taken out of focus. When Kevin Sessums writes that he was startled by your words, I'd say he quoted you correctly. I repeat:
Iman: you should be ashamed of yourself.
God help the sisterhood. Anne
Reader Comments (2)
I love your blog! I was so mad when I saw that Iman had said this. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I take Michelle over her any day. You would think that a black woman who talks all the time about the lack of black models in the fashion industry, would be happy that another black woman is getting this type of attention, but I guess she believes she is the only one that can be on top.
Leo, thanks so much for your comment. I remain a bit speechless that there wasn't more fallout over Iman's interview. We have a strange set of public vs private rules in our 'sisterhood'. I do believe that at least some of the older women are ready to talk about this subject of female rivalry. I do believe that Michelle Obama walks a straight line on this subject and truly does support women's advancement. This is another reason that I support her in a deeply personal way. Anne